


And Sometimes the Light is Enough

by withlightning



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Children of Earth Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-13
Updated: 2009-07-13
Packaged: 2017-10-12 04:01:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/120521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withlightning/pseuds/withlightning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was he going to say? How absurd this was? How Jack was losing his sanity? How sorry he was? How sorry he wasn't?</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Sometimes the Light is Enough

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Originally posted [here](http://community.livejournal.com/withthunder/542.html#cutid1), July 13th 2009

"Ianto!"

He slowly opened his eyes or at least it felt like he did. He couldn't be sure because there was nothing to be seen. Just blackness.

"Ianto!"

He recognized the voice, of course he did. "Jack?"

"I'm right here, behind you."

His sense of direction seemed to have abandoned him because it took him a great deal to turn around and he didn't want to think about why it was so hard, it wasn't as if he was feeling any floor underneath or walls around. Flailing his hands in panic, he came face to face with Jack. And God, he was stunning. The only light, so bright and _alive_ and he felt something tightening in his chest. He would have liked to think Jack took his breath away with his dazzling heroism but that would have been utter crap, seeing how he wasn't even breathing anymore and that's when it hit him. He was dead. He died. He really, honestly fucking died and there was no saving him.

"Jack," he said with a shaky voice and reached his hand to touch the man before him.

"Yeah, it's me." Jack responded and reached also, trying to lace their fingers together but it didn't happen- their fingers seemed to slip away from each other with only the slightest pressure from his fingertips.

"I'm dead, right?" He asked, not seeing any reason to panic and besides, when ever did he really panic?

Jack stared at him, mouth open as if he was starting to say something, eyes bright as they were back when he was wheezing through his last breath, Ianto's fingers still trying to grip his.

"I'm--" Jack started and winked out.

Right. Black and cold and empty it was.

  
**

  
"Ianto!"

It took him a while to remember anything, less alone why someone was calling his name. There was a bright flash and then he could see him again. Jack.

"Hello," he answered politely, feeling the grin forming on his face. "It is good to see you," he continued and extended his hand to touch Jack's shoulder, this time the touch was firmer and Jack seemed to melt a bit, leaning into the touch and almost moaning.

"I've missed you," Jack said lifting his hand and cradling it in his own.

"Oh? But you've been gone not more than just a moment," he said, really not making sense of anything.

"Oh Ianto," Jack heaved and kissed his palm, once again those watery eyes burning through him. "It's been more than a moment." Jack's fingers tightened against his, almost painfully so.

"How…how long then?" He asked, not really sure if he wanted to hear the result.

Jack's smile was forced, nonetheless there, "Four months, give or take a few days."

"Oh." What else was he supposed to say? It felt like few minutes since he'd last seen Jack and in a dawning horror he came to a realization. "Did you go and die again?"

Jack gave a short laugh with a smallish whimper in the end, "Yeah, I guess I did." The fingers now like flittering ghosts against his cheek and neck.

"Umm. What happened? I mean, after. Did you save the world again?"

Jack became still and quiet.

"Jack?" Worried, that was the word he was looking for. He was worried. And wasn't that just swell, a worried dead man somewhere between heaven and hell, amidst all the dark and nothingness, worried. Then again, worry always was his default setting, even if he got better at hiding it.

 _"Jack?"_

Nothing.

Shaking the other man a bit he continued, "Don't you dare to—"

And he found himself alone again.

"—wink out on me."

  
**

  
"It was Steven."

Jack was back again and it had been such a short time. How could he had forgotten how bright Jack was? He felt like shielding his eyes but he didn't want to miss another second, now that Jack was here again. He was very aware of the fact that he didn't know where _here_ was.

"Steven saved all the children." Jack continued.

"Well that's good then, right?" He asked as he ran his hand through Jack's overgrown, shaggy hair.

Jack hung his head low and shuddered. Seemingly coming to a conclusion, he lifted his head, gave self-deprecating smile and said, "Yeah. It is."

He was never stupid. So he didn't push the matter. Besides, he was good with pretending. Whereas Jack was good with flirting and roofs, he was master at pretending. Nothing new then. "So, how's Gwen?"

"I wouldn't really know. I guess she had the baby and she and Rhys are living the parent dream somewhere in the Cardiff suburbs." Jack answered. Pursing his lips he continued after a beat, "Just as they would have no matter what, before and after all this _pointless_ death and destruction, just living happily ever after, unscathed among all the--"

"Hey, hey." He stopped and dragged Jack into a hug. Tightening his hold on Jack, trying to give him strength, he splayed his hands on Jack's back, going for a soothing motion. He didn't really care about being clingy, giving Jack's vulnerable neck a kiss and then another behind his ear. "We should be happy for her. She has lost so much and gained really nothing."

Jack gave half aborted sob and shook his head as if not believing what he was saying, " _She_ has lost so much? How about you? Me? No. She gets to live, have a family, love, grow old and die. It is so much more than what we have."

He kept rubbing Jack's back, eyes stinging from all the dark and Jack's brightness. "No. It's so much more than what we _had_."

  
**

  
"Will I always be here for you?" What went unsaid was, _Will you always be there for me?_

Kisses rained on his neck and shoulders, fingers danced on his ribs, "I think so."

 _Good_ , he thought, _good_. "I think so too."

  
**

  
"You know, there was once a time, about a year or so in linear time, where I would have really needed you." Jack said once, after he had lost count of all the winks, time stretching beyond his comprehension and Jack still looking bloody marvelous.

"Oh?" He said with a caution, intrigued despite the menacing words.

"Oh yeah. Let's just say that I was across this side of the border more than the other side."

Not really sure what to say, he settled with, "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

Blue eyes gazing into his, beautiful and dangerous all together. Lips forming into a slow smirk, eyes twinkling with mischief. "Nah, I liked you better back at home, fuming in my absence."

Things clicked together in his mind; he swallowed and racked his brain for something to say. A moment later there really was no need. He had hands and mouth full of Jack.

Kissing, oh how he loved to kiss Jack. Different kisses; forceful and passionate kisses; sweet and caring kisses and his favorite, desperate kisses. Frantic hands clutching and rubbing, shaky legs entwining and high-pitched moans echoing.

"Besides, you are here now. That's all that matters anymore," whispered into his ear so quietly he almost missed it. He cuddled closer to Jack and closed his eyes.

  
**

  
"Hello, gorgeous," Jack smiled as he greeted him, pressing lingering kiss on his cheek and another one on his lips.

While he kissed Jack back, he knew this couldn't go on. The visits had been growing and lengthening, the darkness between only blinks. He savored the contact, feeling and rightness of Jack's affections. Oh God how good Jack felt against him, drowning, this was drowning and loving and remembering and—

"Where are you, Jack?" He mumbled against Jack's warm neck.

"Right here. I'm right here, Ianto." More kisses and hands slipped under his shirt.

It was a lot of effort but he was able to get Jack at arm's length, "No, you're not. Where are you for real?"

Jack opened his mouth as if to give an answerer but closed it. His face was scrunched in a frown that was hard to figure out, his whole body stilled once again, eyes bulging out, "I...I don't know."

"Jack--"

Jack disappeared. His hands were holding nothing and then Jack came back straight away, filling his hands again, as if he never winked away.

"You were saying?" Jack asked with raised eyebrows.

What was he going to say? How absurd this was? How Jack was losing his sanity? How sorry he was? How sorry he wasn't?

"Where _are_ you? Right now?"

He's not sure what Jack saw in him, must have been the bunched eyebrows, face drawn with worry and his eyes glistening threateningly that made Jack sober. He always knew how miserable he could look, when he wanted and sometimes when it was unwanted and it never failed to amaze him how much his facial expressions affected Jack and his behavior.

"Right now? I'm impaled with a nine feet long branch that got lodged into me as I was trying to fly." Despite the words being sarcastic, he just knew Jack wasn't kidding.

He was starting to feel hysteric, "So what? You just go and kill yourself over and over again? Is that it?"

Jack stared at him for a long time and finally ground out, "What else is there?"

  
*

  
"What was it this time?"

"Asphyxiation."

"You're kidding me."

"Not so much, no."

"How delightfully original."

  
*

  
"Spacecraft crash."

"Was it big?"

"The crash? Enormous. Bigger bang than you'd ever believe. You know how I only do things in…big scale."

"No. The craft. I was talking about the craft."

  
*

  
"Angry Tanurians. With electronic spears."

"Electronic spears. Really? What's the point?"

"Self-targeting."

"Oh. I see how that can become handy."

  
*

  
"Alcohol poisoning."

"It must have been some amount of Pripps."

"I'm still not sure what it was, but it did its purpose."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

  
**

  
He's not sure when it happened, maybe it was when Jack stopped telling all the reasons for his frequent visits or when Jack kind of moved in. Moved in as in as much as one can cohabitate in a dark, empty nothingness. It happened and he found himself becoming selfish. _Maybe I can have this_ , he though. _Maybe I really can_.

  
**

  
"What is this thing we call love?" He asks Jack, tens of thousands of winks later, eyes closed and resting half underneath his companion.

Jack's strong hand, the hand of love and death, betrayal and forgiveness, perfect, beautiful strong hand makes its way up to his tie, smoothing the stripy silk and brushes the lapels of his pinstriped waistcoat, carefully.

"I'm guessing this is it, for us," he answers after a beat, one lonely finger finding its way under his collar, brushing his delicate skin until it skips to trace the shell of his ear only to keep going up and reach his closed eyes, tickling along his lashes and finally the whole warm hand cupping the side of his face gently.

He can't help it; he smiles and turns his head to kiss Jack's palm and says, "Yes. Me too."

  
\- Fin


End file.
